I don't promote anything. Please do not follow if easily triggered. This is my own demon I am battling. And I'm currently relapsed...
•I can see my rib cage
•I don’t feel fat on my body
•I can go on stage and not worry if I look fat
•I won’t freak out if someone touches me
•I can let guys pick me up with out thinking I’m crushing them
•I’m comfortable in a bikini or shorts
•I look pretty
•I can maybe love my body
1. because eating will set you back. it will only take longer for you to become skinny.
2. is it really worth the guilt & self hate? when skipping that meal will make you feel 10x better in about 10 minutes.
3. skinny thighs, in everything.
- skinny jeans.
- skirts.
- sitting, standing, & laying.
4. a flat stomach.
- laying, sitting, & standing.
- bikini tops.
- crop tops.
- tank tops.
- sports bras.
5. collarbones.
- necklaces.
- v.neck shirts.
6. tiny wrists.
- bracelets.
7. tiny arms.
- baggy shirts.
- to be able to wrap your fingers around most of your forearm.
8. narrow face.
- defined cheekbones.
- defined jawline.
9. tiny neck.
- neck lines, showing you lost weight.
10. concerned looks/complements.
- have you ate today?
- wow, you’ve lost weight.
- wow, you’re getting really tiny.
11. bony fingers.
- rings.
12. ribs.
- to be able to lay & see them.
- to be able to turn a certain way & see them.
- to be able to see them in general.
13. to feel in control.
- to be able to say “no” to someone offering food.
14. to see the number on the scale go down little by little.
15. to experience reaching your goal weight. how good it will feel.
16. to not be the fat friend anymore.
17. to be able to wear a bikini this year & rock it.
18. to be able to wear leggings & see my thigh gap.
19. to be able to wrap my hands around the side of my waist.
20. to finally be happy.
it takes time. be patient.
- waisted thin.
(this is for self motivation)
I won’t ruin my body anymore. Ill remember how I got there, and how it can go wrong.
I’ll go for walks, as I’ll want to show of my slender legs and petite figure.
I’ll take aesthetic photos of myself, without having to be at a certain angle.
I’ll happily eat 3 meals a day, small portioned, and get filled up quickly.
I won’t have to obsess over calories or steps or calories burned.
I won’t have to make excuses for not eating.
I won’t have to avoid meeting my friends in case of being around food.
I won’t have to pinch the fat on my body infront of the mirror.
I won’t have to avoid sleeveless tops or dresses.
I’ll have the feeling of a complete relaxed stomach, no more sucking in and stomach cramps.
I won’t have to contour my chin or cheekbones with makeup because my face will be thin.
I won’t have to suffer anymore.
to actually want to take photos with your friends/family without feeling like the ugly duckling - no need to miss out on more memories
In relapse I sit.
The voices are back.
They’re loud, louder, and louder
Everyday
They speak in my ear
“Don’t eat, Fat girl.”
“Skinny girls don’t eat.”
“Skinny is what you need.”
I started binge, purging.
I started to throw up every meal I ate.
I stopped wanting food.
I looked at it differently.
It scared me.
It scares me…
I started running again
I skipped dinner
I went to bed hungry
I felt amazing
The headaches are back
Slowly I fall in deeper, and deeper
And deeper..
I cry in the middle of the night
With self hate
The voices are getting louder
Tomorrow I won’t eat
Nor the next day
Or the next
Because I want to be skinny
It’s my only quest
The voices are getting louder
I’m already gone
Ana is everything
Ana..
Is the only thing…
